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Planet Earth

Page numbers in parentheses are for the rereleased editions.

• “It’s not just about one species, human beings. It’s about all the animals. It’s about all of Earth.” ~ Cassie, Book #4 pg. 142 (144)
• “This is a very complicated planet, Marco. That’s what I hear, anyway. And it’s a very strange universe. Anything could happen.” ~ Jake, Book #6 pg. 154 (153)
• “In all the universe, no greater beauty. In a thousand, thousand worlds, no greater art than this.” ~ Ellimist, Book #7 pg. 73 (75)
• Warning: Spoilers for rerelease from this point to the next section.
• “No one, man or alien, is messing this place up while I’m around to stop them.” ~ Cassie, Book #11 pg. 146
• “Most of you humans don’t even know what you have. You have the most beautiful planet in the galaxy. No other place is so alive. In no other place are there so many trees, so many flowers, so many amazing creatures. You live in a palace. You live in paradise.” ~ Aftran, Book #19 pg. 82
• “We live in paradise, Rachel, and we don’t even know it. And we don’t know when it might end. We’d have to be fools not to enjoy it while we can.” ~ Cassie, Book #19 pg. 159
• “You know, when your mother tells you not to stick your hand in a beaver lodge, you really should listen.” ~ Cassie, Book #47 pg. 60
• “It’s a beautiful world. I’ll miss it.” ~ David, Book #48 pg. 145

Pop-culture

Page numbers in parentheses are for the rereleased editions.

• “I was busy watching my taped reruns of Mister Roger’s Neighborhood. Last night it was the one where it was a beautiful day in the neighborhood.” ~ Marco, Book #4 pg. 18
• (Rerelease version: “I was busy watching reruns of Sesame Street. Last night it was the one where it was a sunny day, sweeping the clouds away.” ~ Marco, Book #4 pg. 18)
• “Well, as you know, we have six dolphins here. Joey, whom you’ve met, Ross, Monica, Chandler, Phoebe, and Rachel.” ~ Eileen the dolphin trainer, Book #4 pg. 51
• “In through The Gap, out through the multiplex. Are these Yeerks on top of popular American culture, or what?” ~ Marco, Book #7 pg. 22
• Warning: Spoilers for rerelease from this point to the next section.
• “Rachel, Rachel, Rachel! Everything is always Rachel around here!” ~ Jordan, MM #1 pg. 149
• “‘You can’t always get what you want. But if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need.’ A famous human named Rolling Stones said that. I thought it was very wise, for a human.” ~ Ax, Book #8 pg. 130
• “It’s dangerous when Mom tries to be entertaining. See, she’ll think she has to be cool and all. She’ll start talking about ‘The Fudgies,’ or ‘Snoopy Diggity Dog,’ or ‘Boys Eleven Men,’ or ‘Nice is Neat.’” ~ Cassie, Book #12 pg. 8
•       “Jeremy Jason McCole is going to be endorsing The Sharing?” I asked in a wavering voice.
        “Jeremy Jason McCole?” Cassie echoed in awestruck tones.
        Jake shrugged. “Yeah, it’s too bad, but it’s not like anyone cares. He’s just some wimpy little actor. I mean, it’s not like he’s Michael Jordan....”
        “...or Brett Favre,” Marco added.
        <...or Wayne Gretzky,> Tobias offered.
        <What is an actor?> Ax wondered.
        “...or anyone else important,” Jake concluded. “He’s just an actor. I mean, he’s a dork.”
        <What is a dork?> Ax asked.
        <That hair!>Tobias said derisively.
        “I love his hair,” Cassie said.
        “Plus he’s even shorter than I am,” Marco said.
        “The difference being that Jeremy Jason McCole is cute,” I said.
        “He’s more than cute,” Cassie said. “He is the single cutest boy on the planet.”
        “He’s in every magazine,” I said. “Teen, YM, Seventeen.”
        “Wussy Weekly, Midget Monthly, The New Dork Times....” Marco added. He and Jake exchanged a high five.
        I ignored Marco. I almost always do. Instead I made sure Jake was paying attention, and I said, “Jake, you’re not getting it. About half the girls in our school have a poster of Jeremy Jason McCole in their bedrooms or in their lockers, or both. He is the number one cute guy in the country. He has like twenty Web sites just about him. If he endorses The Sharing, it would be as if....” I looked to Cassie for help.
        “As if the entire female cast of Baywatch endorsed something,” Cassie supplied.
        “Yeah. Like that.”
        Jake’s smile evaporated. “You’re saying this actor kid has that kind of influence?”
        “He has that much power” Marco said. “He has Baywatch-level power?”
        <Yasmine Bleeth power?> Tobias echoed.
        <Bleeth?> Ax echoed. <Is that a word?>
  [Book #12 pg. 29]
• “In that Montana movie Brad Pitt’s lips filled the entire screen. In fact, I heard some people were crushed to death by Brad Pitt’s lips.” ~ Marco, Book #12 pg. 78
• “Ah, splitting up, eh? Well, that will only affect the order in which I kill each of you. What have I heard the human children say? Ah yes, eeny, meeny, miney, moo.” ~ Visser Three, Book #12 pg. 99
• “It was those kids! I am looking for three kids named Fox Mulder, Dana Scully, and Cindy Crawford.” ~ Captain Torelli, Book #14 pg. 164
•       <Who is this Schwarzenegger?> Ax demanded. <I have heard Marco use his name before.>
        “Ah-nuld?” Marco demanded. “Who iss Ah-nuld? Ah-nuld iss der man, zat’s who Ah-nuld iss.”
        <What man?>
        “The man,” Marco explained, explaining nothing.
  [Book #17 pg. 4]
• “This society is way too celebrity-obsessed. It is so superficial.” ~ Rachel, Book #17 pg. 20
•       Jake ran to snatch up some full-head masks. “I have Clinton, Gingrich, and a Teletubby. Dipsy, I think.”
        “That’s not Dipsy,” Cassie corrected. “That’s Tinky Winky. Dipsy’s green and has the straight up thing. Tinky Winky’s the one with the triangle.”
        <Who’s the little red one?> Marco wondered.
        “Po,” Cassie said.
        <Oh, yeah.>
        “No offense,” Erek said, “but how on Earth have you people managed to avoid getting caught for this long?”
  [Book #27 pg. 23]
•       “Wasn’t it Journey to the Bottom of the Sea?” Marco asked.
        “No, it was Voyage,” Jake confirmed.
        “Journey sounds better,” Marco said.
        Jake sighed. “Hey, time marches on, right? We’re in a hurry. What are you thinking, Cassie?”
        “Calamari,” she said with a grin.
        “Snails?” I said, frowning.
        <I am not in favor of snails,> Ax said.
        “Wait, that’s not—” Cassie said loudly.
        <I had the misfortune to inadvertently eat one while feeding,> Ax continued. <I did not see it in time. I stepped on it and digested it.>
        “You ate a snail through your hoof?” I asked. That picture temporarily replaced the image of me being squashed to the size of a Barbie doll on the ocean floor.
        <Yes, and the meat portion was fine. However, once the snail’s body had been digested, the shell was very difficult to—>
        “Ooookay, I think that’s probably enough about snails,” Jake said.
        “Yeah, especially since calamari does not mean snail,” Cassie pointed out. “Escargot means snail. I was talking about—”
        <I have an idea: Let’s all just stick to speaking English,> Tobias grumped.
        “Squid!” Cassie yelled suddenly. The birds in the trees around us fell silent. So did we.
        Until Tobias said, <Uh-uh. Calamari is octopus, not squid.>
        “Oh. Who. CARES?” Cassie cried. “Squid. We can morph a giant squid! Giant squid dive really deep. And they have arms, so we could maybe get into the Pemalite ship.”
        I met Marco’s gaze. “Why didn’t she just say that to begin with?”
        “Could have saved a lot of time,” Marco agreed, playing along.
        <What does any of this have to do with your Captain Nemo?> Ax wondered.
        Cassie threw up her hands. “It’s a book. Journey to—”
        “Ah HAH! It was Journey!”
        “I mean Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea,” Cassie grated. “Captain Nemo was attacked by a giant squid.”
        “Who won?” Marco asked.
        “Wait a minute,” I said. “It wasn’t Journey or Voyage. It was 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea. Jules Verne.”
        Cassie looked like she might strangle me. Then she said, “Oh yeah. Voyage was a TV show. They run it on the Sci-Fi channel.”
        “I thought it was on Nick at Night,” Marco said.
        At which point everyone started giggling.
        “Someone call the Chee and tell them they’re doomed,” I said. “Their only hope is a collection of idiot kids, standing around in the woods debating cable channels.”
  [Book #27 pg. 65]
• “The shorter shows that are displayed between longer shows. These Messages. They are often my favorites. ‘Zestfully clean! Zestfully clean! You’re not fully clean unless you’re Zestfully clean!’ So much information condensed into so brief a format. So much emotional intensity.” ~ Ax, Book #28 pg. 16
• “I would like to make it home in time to watch The Brady Bunch. It is a story. About a lovely lady. Who was bringing up three very lovely girls.” ~ Ax, Book #28 pg. 89
• “I have learned. It is still confusing, but I know this: Even within the limited geographic and political entity called ‘America’ there are further subdivisions. Cities. Some are obviously irrelevant. Only four are mentioned frequently in the data: New York, Washington DeeCee, Ellay, and Hollywood. Of these I conclude from the prevalence of mentions in the data that Hollywood is the most important.” ~ Edriss 562, Visser pg. 66
•       “Somebody grab me a Laa-Laa doll when we’re inside, okay?” Marco said. “I really like that little yellow one.”
        I gave him a look. You know the one.
        “What?” he said defensively. “I’ll send the manager a check tomorrow. Even though he’s a Yeerk. It’s not like I’m going to steal it or anything.”
        “Uh, Marco, you do know Teletubbies are for preschoolers, right?” Cassie said.
        <“Eh-oh, Laa-Laa,”> Ax said. <“Big hug.”>
        <Okay, that does it, Ax,> Tobias grumbled. <We need to think about turning off your TV.>
  [Book #37 pg. 43]
•       <We’ve got to swim,> Jake said.
        <Fine,> I agreed. <But which way?>
        <Toward the heart,> Cassie said.
        <Which is—?> I asked.
        <Above the liver,> Cassie said.
        <Who said you were directionally challenged?>
        About a dozen tunnels went up to the left and up to the right. One tunnel seemed to go straight up.
        <Eenie, meenie, minie, moe?> Ax said.
        <You really have been on Earth too long,> I told him. <You’ll never fit in on the Andalite home world now.>
        <I would miss Saturday morning cartoons,> Ax said.
  [Book #42 pg. 102]
•       “Sara and Jordan are fine, Aunt Naomi,” Jake said, in his talking-to-psycho-relatives voice. “And so are you. Ax?” He raised his voice, but kept it calm. “Can you make sure Rachel’s sisters don’t go anywhere?”
        Little girl giggles erupted from the living room.
        <I have already made sure, Prince Jake. They think I am a “pokey man.” I have told them I am an Andalite and am actually quite swift, but they insist they need to train me.>
  [Book #49 pg. 90]

Rachel-Style

Page numbers in parentheses are for the rereleased editions.

• “Don’t mess with me. You may be bigger than me, you may scare me, you may make me run away, but if I have to I am ready to fight.” ~ Rachel, Book #2 pg. 82
• “I decided that I don’t care what it takes, or how many risks I have to run. I don’t care what happens to me. I hate these Yeerks. I hate them. I hate them. And I will find a way to stop them.” ~ Rachel, Book #2 pg. 110
• “I swear that, if she could, Rachel would be wearing a suit of armor and swinging a sword. And it would be a fashionable suit of armor, and she would look great in it.” ~ Marco, Book #5 pg. 12
• “It doesn’t look like I’m going to fit through this doorway. So I guess I’ll have to make the door a little bigger.” ~ Rachel, Book #6 pg. 97
• “With one twitch of my trunk I can make you a shish kebab. Now are you going to listen to me?” ~ Rachel, Book #7 pg. 11
• Warning: Spoilers for rerelease from this point to the next section.
• “Let’s do it.” ~ Rachel, Book #11 pg. 23
• “You know, Rachel, you’re like the smart kid in class who sits in the front and always raises her hand. ‘I know! I know!’ Only with you it’s ‘I’ll go! I’ll go!’” ~ Cassie, Book #27 pg. 84
• “Any time you hear a bunch of screaming and see people running, you’re going to find our girl Rachel somewhere close by.” ~ Tobias, MM#3 pg. 42
•       <Okay. Demorph. Then let’s get ready for a fight. We go in hard and fast.>
        <You mean Rachel-style?> Marco mocked.
        <Yeah. Let’s do this Rachel-style.>
  [Book #36 pg. 118]
• “Too bad there’s no door. Rachel? Marco? Ax? Make a door.” ~ Jake, Book #38 pg. 10
•       <Call a little attention to myself, short-circuit the bio-zapper, and lead any and all pursuers toward the circus, where I can squeeze in among the other elephants and, in the confusion, demorph.>
        “And then?”
        <Then?> She swished her rope-thin tail.
        Jake sighed. “Then mingle into the crowd, do not call attention to yourself, and wait patiently for the rest of us.”
        “Wait patiently. Right.> She saluted him with her trunk. <I can do that.>
        Marco looked at me. “She. Cannot. Do. That.”
        <No,> I said. <Probably not.>
  [Book #49 pg. 33]
• “Rachel is the original Nike girl: Just do it. Just do it, and if that doesn’t work do it harder and meaner.” ~ Jake, Book #53 pg. 16

Reality

Page numbers in parentheses are for the rereleased editions.

• Warning: Spoilers for rerelease from this point to the next section.
• “What’s real, man? Real is just like...it’s like...you know, like whatever, right?” ~ Theresa Knowlton, MM#3 pg. 202
• “Love, man. Love is like...you know. Like reality, right?” ~ Theresa Knowlton, MM#3 pg. 202
• “I’d decided a while back to give up analyzing what was happening to me and why. I’d figured that sanity depended on accepting the reality I saw, this dream or nightmare or vision. But that didn’t mean there weren’t times when all I wanted were answers—definite concrete answers.” ~ Jake, Book #41 pg. 119
• “There are sims and then there is reality. And let me say that no sim, no matter how good, matches reality. The problem with a sim is that you know it’s a sim. Reality on the other hand, well, it’s real.” ~ Ellimist, EC pg. 46
• “Sometimes the things that seem to be problems are actually blessings in disguise.” ~ Lackofa, EC pg. 52
• “Who is to say who is piece and who is player? How often had I wondered whether I myself was just a game piece in a still larger game whose players laughed at my pretensions?” ~ Ellimist, EC pg. 199
• “I’ll let you in on a little secret. Gunning down enemy troops in a video game does not actually prepare you to operate a real-life, sixty ton tank.” ~ Marco, Book #51 pg. 29
•       “It gives you a different perspective,” I said. “I mean, I’ve often wondered if allowing someone to morph to dolphin or falcon or whatever might not be a good way to let them put the little stuff in perspective.”
        “Morph therapy? I think I feel another best-selling book coming on. Oh, man, Oprah would eat that up. And you know the Andalites are saying now they may make morphing technology more widely available on Earth.”
        I frowned. “Really? Why?”
        “They want a Krispy Kreme franchise back on the home world. You have a fair number of Andalites who possess a human morph now, all back home after their tour on Earth. Still looking for a donut.”
        The idea was so absurd I had to laugh. “We’re going to trade donuts for morphing technology?”
        Marco and I sat there in silent enjoyment for a moment, sipping our Oranginas.
  [Book #54 pg. 76]

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