<Subjects: Hu>

Humanity

Page numbers in parentheses are for the rereleased editions.

“They fight fiercely for their children, these humans.” ~ Iniss 226, Book #2 pg. 140

“There are human beings all over, trapped in bodies controlled by Yeerks. Trapped. Unable to escape. Rachel, I know how they feel. Maybe I can’t escape. Maybe I am trapped forever. But if we can free some of those others. Maybe...I don’t know. Maybe that’s what I need to do to stay human.” ~ Tobias, Book #3 pg. 102

“People are funny - they never think something bad will happen to them.” ~ Tobias, Book #3 pg. 112

“We can’t travel faster than light, but we can make a sticky bun that smells pretty good.” ~ Marco, Book #5 pg. 35 (36)

“A human will fight even when he knows he can’t win. Maybe our species is just a little crazy. But human history is full of cases where a handful of guys would fight an entire army. They’d get stomped, but they’d fight anyway.” ~ Jake, Book #6 pg. 140 (138)

“Oh, humans smell. It’s not a bad smell. Sort of like an animal we have back on my planet called a flaar.” ~ Ax, Book #7 pg. 61 (64)

Warning: Spoilers for rerelease from this point to the next section.

“The first thing an Andalite may notice about humans is that they walk around on only two legs. It is very strange to see so many creatures balancing that way. But, despite this, they seldom fall over.” ~ Ax, Book #8 pg. 10

“Humans have very odd tastes. They think their music is beautiful. They are wrong. It is awful. All of it. And they completely ignore their greatest accomplishments: the cinnamon bun, the Snickers bar, the hot pepper, and the refreshing beverage called vinegar.” ~ Ax, Book #8 pg. 81

“‘Give me liberty or give me death.’ A human named Patrick Henry said that. I wonder if the Yeerks knew before they came to conquer Earth that humans said things like that. I wonder if the Yeerks knew what they were getting into.” ~ Ax, Book #8 pg. 151

“All it would take is one little push and they’d fall right over. Earth must be hysterical! Humans falling forward and back, falling all over the place. No wonder they are so primitive. They probably spend all their time just trying to stand up.” ~ Arbron, AC pg. 32

“You humans don’t give up easily, do you?” ~ Elfangor, AC pg. 220

“I guess humans just love anything with straight edges and a rectangular shape.” ~ Elfangor, AC pg. 266

“Money. Ah, yes. Mon-nee. I always forget about humans and their money.” ~ Ax, Book #14 pg. 75

<Now, this is an interesting human concept,> Ax said approvingly. <This hologram makes it almost appear that we are under the water.>
 “Ax? It’s not a hologram,” Rachel said.
 <Then...we are underwater? Protected only by badly made human plastic?>
 “Yeah.”
 <Why do you humans do things like this?>
[Book #15 pg. 80]

“Humor is more common among humans than among Andalites. I think they have to resort to humor. It helps them deal with the embarrassment of being so wobbly on their two ridiculous legs.” ~ Ax, Book #18 pg. 8

“Humans are always lost in time. They are constantly certain that ‘it’ is later or earlier than they thought. I have never known a human to say, ‘Oh, look, it’s exactly what time I thought it was.’” ~ Ax, Book #18 pg. 10

“Humans may be technologically primitive, but they have created buttered popcorn, the Snickers bar, chili, and cigarette butts. (Although humans themselves become very upset by the idea of eating cigarette butts.) And let us not forget: Humans, for all their faults, have created the cinnamon bun.” ~ Ax, Book #18 pg.37

“Humans may be technologically primitive, not to mention physically weak, what with tottering around on two spindly legs. But if you’re in a situation that requires instant adaptability to change, you should always have a couple of humans along with you.” ~ Ax, MM#2 pg. 70

“Yeah, we’re just animals ourselves. But we’re the animals who can think. We’re the animals who can imagine something better than kill or be killed. I don’t think predators are immoral. I’m not an idiot, whatever you may think. But I’m a human, okay? And I have to think and care, and I have to feel things.” ~ Cassie, MM#2 pg. 186

“Garbage is an important human product.” ~ Ax, Book #28 pg. 22

“Planning ahead is not a great human virtue.” ~ Ax, Book #28 pg. 28

“It is sometimes the case that humans do not make logical sense.” ~ Ax, Book #28 pg. 50

“You know what’s cool? Humans. Nine out of ten humans are pretty decent creatures.” ~ Cassie, Book #29 pg. 132

“Ax has no faith in our human ability to do simple things like count. With good reason.” ~ Marco, Book #30 pg. 41

“They attack against insane odds. They defend what can’t be defended. Outnumbered, outgunned, surrounded, hopeless, they will still fight, fight, fight, till they are each and every one dead.” ~ Edriss 562, Visser pg. 103

“Humans can’t even deal with other humans who root for a rival football team.” ~ Marco, Book #47 pg. 45

“Historically, humans are among the least tolerant species in the galaxy, set apart by the prevalence of violence and oppression.” ~ Ax, Book #47 pg. 46

“A lawyer seems to be an odd type of human. Intelligent but in a way that is not terribly useful. At least to my Andalite sensibilities. All they seem to use their intellect for is argument. Not philosophical contemplation or artistic pursuit.” ~ Ax, Book #52 pg. 33

“So, who’s going to key the detonator?”
 “Coin toss,” Cassie said quickly.
 <What?>
 “It’s the way we make most major decisions,“ Marco said dryly. “First, you choose heads or tails. Then you toss a coin. Whatever side is faceup when the coin lands is winner.”
 The procedure was simple enough. But I could not help but think if this was the methodology by which humans made most of their major decisions.... Well, it explained much.
[Book #52 pg. 135]

Humor

Page numbers in parentheses are for the rereleased editions.

“You grind my nerves sometimes, Marco, always joking the way you do. But keep it up, okay? We need a sense of humor.” ~ Rachel, Book #5 pg. 98

Warning: Spoilers for rerelease from this point to the next section.

“If it was happening to someone else, it would be hysterical.” ~ Marco, Book #15 pg. 25

“Humor is more common among humans than among Andalites. I think they have to resort to humor. It helps them deal with the embarrassment of being so wobbly on their two ridiculous legs.” ~ Ax, Book #18 pg. 8

“Ha. Haha and also ha.” ~ Marco, MM#2 pg. 161

      “Marco,” I said, once I had demorphed. “You know you’re a toad?”
      “Kiss me and I’ll become a prince,” he said without hesitation. “I’ll be the Prince Formerly Known As Toad. You know you want me. You can’t help it. After all, you’re a female and I’m...well, I’m me.”
      “Yeah, that’s the real Marco,” I said dryly.
      Cassie laughed. “Believe me, we all did the same kind of thing. I asked him to tell me what it was like when we morphed trout. Just to test his memory.”
      “And I answered that it wasn’t bad except the cracker-crumb coating chafed a little and I was allergic to tarter sauce. Now can you all stop playing that game? I’m afraid I’ll miss a punch line and Rachel will morph to grizzly and eat me before I have a chance to say anything.”
[Book #22 pg. 52]

<Hey, Ax-man, what’s up?>
 <Up is the opposite of down. Although, of course, those terms are meaningless outside the context of a distinct, localized gravity field.>
 <Ooookay.>
 <Was that funny? I was attempting a joke.>
[Book #23 pg. 99]

“Hah. Hah. And also, hah.” ~ Marco, Book #23 pg. 126

<Ah-hah! You see our might and tremble!>
 “I see your might. Where’s your tremble?” Marco said.
 The Helmacrons stared with their wobbly, marble eyes.
 “Oh, no. We’re prisoners of creatures with no sense of humor,” Marco said.
[Book #24 pg. 70]

<Say, Rachel, I got a joke for you,> I said.
 <No you don’t,> she said.
 I ignored the warning. <Two blonds are standing across the river from one another...>
 <Hey,> Tobias interrupted. <Remember, I’m a blond, too. It may be dirty-blond, but it’s blond.>
 <Yeah, for a couple of hours a week,> I said. <Anyway, the one blond calls out to the other blond, “How do I get to the other side?”>
 <That is very funny, Marco,> Ax said brightly.
 I replied. <And the blond across the river calls back to her, “You ARE on the other side!”>
 <That does it,> Rachel said. <Time for Plan B.>
 <I’ve heard that one before,> Tobias said, unimpressed.
 Ax replied.
 <Tobias, where exactly did you hear that joke before?> I demanded. <A sparrow, an owl, and you, hanging out and swapping stories?>
 <Ax, do you have any idea where we are?> Jake asked.
 
 <Still north?> Jake replied. <How much longer until we have to demorph?>
 <About twenty minutes,> Ax replied. <Of your minutes,> he added, with what I swear was deliberate provocation.
[Book #25 pg. 40]

“If the Yeerks had any sense of humor at all they wouldn’t be the scourge they are.” ~ Ellimist, Book #26 pg. 13

“Hah. Hah. And also...Hah.” ~ Marco, Book #28 pg. 76

“Hah. Hah. And also, a bonus, hah.” ~ Marco, Book #33 pg. 3

<One minute we’re watching this whale the size of a FedEx truck dropping out of the sky and we’re thinking, Uh-oh, she’s not big enough to take down that helicopter and live through it—>
 <You weren’t thinking it, you were screaming it,> Rachel said sweetly.
 <Screeching like a bad set of brakes,> Jake teased.
 <Emitting a loud and continual series of high-pitched shrieks similar to an unauthorized entry into a Dome ship air lock,> Ax added.
 Silence.
 <Well, it was an accurate comparison,> Ax said defensively.
 <Yeah.> Marco giggled. <But it sure wasn’t funny, Ax-man,> he said, poking his sleek head up out of the water and giving one of those crazy, Flipperesque cackles.
 <Your humor is highly overrated,> Ax muttered.
 <It certainly is when Marco uses it,> Jake said.
 <Anyway,> Marco said loudly, <here you are falling through the sky, and all of a sudden BOOM—>
 “A gull got sucked into the helicopter’s engine. But that was nothing compared to the ant-Cassie that almost killed me back in the woods with its pincers.” I stopped. “The buffalo saved my life.”
 <You had an aunt who tried to kill you with her pincers?> Rachel said, giving me a playful nudge. <Boy, and I thought Tobias’s family was bad.>
 “Not that kind of an ant,” I said crossly.
 Rachel said. <Geez, where’s your sense of humor?>
 <Probably caught back in the Dome ship’s air lock with Ax’s,> Marco muttered.
[Book #39 pg. 117]

<Cassie, why don’t you morph to dolphin and let’s all get out of here,> Jake said, noticing my quaking. <I’m done with this day at the beach. How about you guys?>
 <Your wish is my command, Prince Jake,> Marco said.
 <Then I wish you’d be quiet,> Jake drawled.
 <Ha-ha!> Ax said. <Ha!>
 We all looked at him, amazed.
 <That was, I believe, the appropriate response to human humor, correct?> he said calmly, then dove and, within seconds, had powered his sleek dolphin’s body up out of the water and high into the air.
 Marco said, groaning. <If Ax is gonna “ha-ha” after all of Jake’s feeble jokes from now on, I swear I quit.>
 But he wouldn’t and we knew it.
 None of us would.
 No matter how bad the odds.
 Or the humor.
[Book #39 pg. 121]

“Ha-ha. And, free this month only, a bonus ha!” ~ Marco, Book #42 pg. 34

I thumped my feet on the floor. “Uh-ur-ulph.”
 Tobias turned. <Did you say something, Marco?>
 “Uh-ur-ulph. UH. UR. ULPH!”
 Ax looked at me. Tilted his head. 
 Oh, good. Ax picks now to finally get human sarcasm.
 <Yeah.> Tobias nodded. <That’s what I though he said.>
[Book #51 pg. 142]

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All pictures and books copyrighted by Scholastic, Inc. Books by K.A. Applegate, and pictures by David B. Mattingly.